Last two years, I was diagnosed by some pathological disease that only can be correct via surgery only. And after every appointment, medical checkups and doctor consultation - last two months I was hospitalized for that particular reason.
The only reason that I want to be warded is I just want to give a break for myself and being alone for a while. And I even insisted my mother not to company me.
I was so wrong in so many level.
It turn that I cannot face that one night loneliness depsite that choatic ward. The hydrocort that went in was so painful 😭😭.
The moments when they carried me to the OT, I was so scared and doubted whether this is the correct decision or not la.
Moments bila rasa takut gila and you really to hold somebody and turn out, ntah mcm mana umi dgn kakcik time tu stranded dekat ward. Probably kemas barang aku. Sumpah the feelings were even worser than kena maki dengan prof.
Lesson learnt : you cannot live alone. Try giving a space to trust somebody and ultimately, to Allah swt