We never know when we can say goodbye before preparing our heart to be calm with everything.
Just a normal morning routine back in Ward 2 Melor, I clerk a cerebral palsy patient. Just a quick observation, I think she is a quadriplegic cerebral palsy type. The face mask covered her small face, a bit of dysmorphic. The mist of oxygen was around her face, sleeping and seem not so really good.
Her mother was so nice to me, very cooperative me to the end of the conversation. Despite the thick Thai accent, I tried my best to listen carefully and my heart was so fragile at the moments. People always wonder why some people seemed so easy working and treating ill children. Some people just can't hear any cries or else they will cry along. To be honest, I had no this feeling at all, I thought I will be the one who will cry to see all those kids but turn out, I am just okay. Not so melancholic.
But not in this patient. Not this time.
This is the first patient I ever felt so melancholic and pity to her. You just know the feeling as if the whole darkest clouds ever keep swarming and embracing you. This is the saddest feeling that I ever felt to this beautiful children.
So, I made a promise to came back tomorrow to see the child and to finish with clinical examination. I just think this is not the appropriate time to examine her.
The morning after, she was not in the same bed and I just carried along with other patients. After my group finished all the case presentation, Dr.T asked, ''who's the one clerk the cerebral palsy one? ''. I raised my hand. "You don't look at your patient? She was already passed away you know. That's why they move her to another bad "
I was left with no words at the moment. I was shocked. I never knew my first patient would be gone just in a moment. She is the only child to her mother. That's what made the whole situation wretched especially to the family.
Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion.